I heart these women!!!



Maggie Valley with the girls!

 I had the pleasure to travel to FL for the wedding of my dear friend, Molly.  She met her husband overseas while they were both serving in a Middle Eastern country.  It was such a wonderful time to see the two of them together, catch up with the friends who are more like sisters (hint: most of them are in the pictures), and spend some time reliving college.

Of everything, though, the most wonderful part of the weekend was sharing and hearing the struggles of the women I love so much.  These are women I met in college when we were nothing more than girls pretending and trying to be women.  We've kept in touch through a FB group as well as the traditional phone calls, email, cards, etc.  My heart is at rest when I'm with them.  It wasn't always so as I often felt unworthy around them...not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough.  Thankfully, God dispelled those lies before these relationships were lost and I cherish each and every time I get to spend time with them.

This weekend was no different.  It did much to soothe and comfort my heart.  In the last 5 years, we've had 11 marriages, 2 serve as missionaries, 3 miscarriages, 5 kids, 2 currently pregnant members, infertility problems, and hard core serious marital problems.  And it was the sharing of those marital problems that struck me the most.  I want to get married, but I'm so afraid I'll choose the wrong guy or that 10 years down the road he doesn't want to be married to me anymore or I/we will have too many issues and he won't want to stay and work through them with me.  It scares me to no end.  It doesn't help that I feel like marriage is most often portrayed as the cure all for life's problems or it's touted as an institution that is horribly bad and needs to be avoided at all costs.  I don't agree with either of those views and although I've seen many good examples of marriage, it still scares the crap out of me.

So as I sat and cried with these sisters of my heart, I was struck by their strength, tenacity, and faith in Christ.  Even as one shared that her husband confessed to lying for 3 1/2 out of the 4 years of their marriage, she never sought a way out of the marriage.  As another said her husband continually falls into the sin of a particular temptation, she doesn't degrade or belittle him, she prays for him.  Another, knowing the grip a certain sin and the ensuing struggle it causes in the life of her fiance, happily plans their uncoming wedding.  Still another shares the anger, hurt, and frustration of infertility yet she'd have it no other way than with the man who hurts and comforts her better than any other person alive.

In these women I see what marriage really looks like.  It's not all butterflies and picnics, but it's beautiful all the same.  I hate that they are going through these struggles, but I feel so honored that they are allowing me to walk this journey with them.  Of all the weddings I've been invited to, apart of, or just sent gifts, none have allowed me to glimpse what real marriage looks like.  It's as scary as I thought it would be, but these women just did more to convince me it's worth the scariness than anyone else has ever done.  I hope if I'm ever married I can be an encouragement and share life with someone just as they have with me.

Problem solved!

I never answered the phone and young patient stopped calling.  I was at the point of on his next call having a guy answer and act like an angry boyfriend, but thankfully it never got that far.  Although his calling at what I labeled booty call hours was wildly inappropriate.  You don't call someone at 1230am!  You just don't do that!

I just hope he doesn't get admitted as a patient back on our unit before I find another job!  That would be super awkward!

{photo credit pinterest.com}

 Stop waiting for everything to be perfect before you start. Stop thinking that you need to have this before you can do that. Give up the thought you need to have 3 Phd’s and 10 years of experience before you try. Give up the thought that you have to be perfect, look the part and have no weakness before you give your heart and put your self out there. Know you have everything you need right now. RIGHT NOW. Within you. Your imperfections make you who you are. They differentiate you from the crowd.

I wish this were easier to believe and to walk/live out.

Ever had to have a DTR...with someone you aren't interested in!?!

Unfortunately, I'm about to have to do just that.  I swear I get myself in the weirdest situations.

Because it was so unexpected and super awkward I stupidly gave my cell number to a patient.  It's bad enough that I thought he was 20 years old (far too young for us to be talking about ANYthing), but I realized he's actually 24 and since I look like I'm 23 or 24 I think he thinks this might be something.  Even though he has a girlfriend.  And actually said he'd have to hide my number from her.

WHAT!?!  How do these things happen to me!?!  I don't do drama and somehow found myself right in the middle of it.

I wouldn't think anything about it if I hadn't given him my number on Monday night and by Tuesday night he had called me.  Twice.  One of which was at 9pm.  I wasn't asleep or anything...I was actually out...but you don't call a woman with whom you have no relationship with at 9pm.  And you especially don't call her at 11pm!  Which he did tonight.  Curses.

For someone who hates awkward situations I seem to find myself in quite a few humdingers of colossal awkward.  Oh, I hope he just stops calling me...

So I'm cleaning out the virtual closet of all the draft posts I've started about what's been going on in life, but haven't finished.  I'm compiling thoughts and photos to this one post.  It's kinda like my version of a news stations' "around the world in 60 seconds" headline recap.

April 29th. Swoon-worthy. Prince William got married in what can only be described as a fairy tale wedding...at least from the outside anyway. A friend's mom said she still had fond memories of watching the wedding of Charles and Diana with her girlfriends, so we decided to do the same. Although none of us was brave/crazy enough to get up at 3am to watch the wedding, we got together the following Sunday night and had a good ol' fashioned girls night of wedding watching, talking about boys, eating junk food, being silly, and talking about boys. Great night! I will definitely treasure those memories:)

May 1st.  Historical.  Osama bin Laden, the leading force behind the World Trade Center attacks, was found and killed.  As an American who mourned with the rest of the country and world at the mindless deaths of so many brave and innocent people, I was relieved.  Those victims and their families deserved some closure and justice.  But I'm trying to constantly remind myself of the difference between what anyone actually deserves (in light of the Gospel) versus what we think we need/deserve and I found myself praying.

I prayed for the innocent children who were at the compound when the troops can bursting in...I'm sure they were probably scared and confused.  For the wife, who irregardless of her beliefs, tried to protect her husband.  I prayed that, even though I think it seems beyond the realm of possibility, that those people would come to know a God who doesn't promote death and destruction, a God of love, a God who gave Himself for them.

The President and his officials watching the raid.

June 14th.  Wow.  The secret anniversary of my 25th birthday.  It's not that year 25 was so special, but I've simply chosen to remain 25 forever.  I'm kinda like a Lost Boy in that.  It was a nice birthday...I did a little shopping, treated myself to some Starbucks, took a nap, you know the usual raucous birthday celebrations:)  Over the weekend we hit up the beach with some of my favorite people and ended the weekend with me cooking spaghetti for dinner.  I also made my favorite cake...yellow cake with chocolate icing.  In all honesty, it was the ugliest cake I've ever seen.  It kept falling apart as I'd put the icing on it.  So I'd eat that piece and try to add more icing.  As you can guess I ended with some ugly chunks out of the cake.  But it tasted great and I didn't care!

June 25th. Amazing. We went to the Benefit Ball which was raising money for a couple from Summit who will be adopting from Ethiopia. Crazy fun night of dancing with friends! Can't wait until next year!

Hotness.

July 4th. Wonderful. We went to the lake for the long weekend. Lots of eating, playing games, laying around, floating in the lake, and tons of pictures. It was greatness personified. And I mean, look at this amazing group of people...you wish you could be this awesome:) Yay for weekends away with friends!

Gerald had a Eurotrash party to kick off his vaca to Europe. There are more pictures that I'd like to post, but just don't have the room for. Just know it was E.P.I.C. I had a Cheetah Girls skirt that was legitimately a kids, but fit. The top was denim with an embroidered flower and tiered ruffles of leopard print and lace. The ugliest thing EVER created...and I loved it! It will be appearing at some costume party in my future!

The group post dancing.  It was hot as heck in the club hence all the sweat, Billy's transparent shirt, and my giant hair.



Two of my favorite guys:)



Please see the epicness of this skirt.  Thank you Durham Rescue Mission thrift store for helping make this the most awesome party outfit ever!

This last recap brings us to our most recent outing...camping at Pilot Mtn.  I will admit to not being the happiest of campers because of how blazing hot it was...I only slept for about an hour the first night because I was so miserable.  But we hiked, ate, played A LOT of Nerts (my newest favorite game), sweated obscene amounts, bonded with friends, had a couple of serious convos, and had an all around good time.

The group at the top of the mountain.

Owling.  We are equal opportunity fad followers.  But only the cool fads.



Like multi-level planking.

And flamingo-ing.  Yep, we made it up.  And it's gonna go global.




{photo credit to weheartit.com}

  
Sunday Perfection...

is lunch after church,

laying by the pool with friends,

going to dinner smelling like chlorine, sunblock, and sunlight,

getting some wonderful fro yo at Yo Mo,

heading back to the house to put on sweats, turning the a/c low, getting lots of blankets and pillows, everyone scouting out places on the floor and couches, and watching a movie.

This has been my Sunday ritual, so dubbed THE Tradition, for the last 3 out of 4 Sundays.  And only 3 because that fourth Sunday we were at the lake doing this for 4 days straight!  It's a great way to wrap up a weekend/start a new week.  So blessed to serve a God who appreciates rest, to live in a free country, and to have friends who let me be me...all ridiculously hyper, color confused, always ready to eat me.

I've been a Christian for more than 20 years now (side note: I'm noticing how often I'm legitimately saying something happened more than 20 years ago and it's kinda freakin' me out).  That said, (how long I've been a Christian not how long I've been alive) you'd think I'd have better control of my fears and emotions.  But alas, I'm most often a churning sea of insecurity and self doubt.

And nothing brings them out more than late nights laying in bed.  Sometimes I fall asleep with seconds of hitting the pillow, but as I'm coming off working nights my sleep schedule gets messed up and I oversleep when I should be awake and I'm awake when I should be sleeping...like now.  Hence the post.

Most often I fear I won't do anything with my life.  I adore being Tia, aunt in Spanish, to my nephew and nieces and I think I'm pretty dang good at it, but that's not what I want the sum success of my life to be.  Sure, I went to a really good school and got a great education (read expensive), but am I using that degree?  Was it really worth it?  Am I doing justice to the professors who poured into my life?  To the legacy of what the college stood for?  Did I set myself up for failure in wanting to go to grad school for a medical career?  Is it time to hang it up and find something more in line with where I am now, not where I think I want to be?  And where do I want to be?

These are the thoughts that plague my nights.  These and the blasted kids upstairs who think running and jumping at 1233am is okay and the crackhead parents who let them.

What's worse, these aren't even my most horrible fears.  The most repetitive fear I have is that God hasn't blessed this or that area of my life because of something I did or didn't do.  I know, I know.  A Christian for 20+ years and I think works have something to do with God's hand on my life?  Shocking I know.  But sometimes it's hard to get the heart to line up with and accept what the head knows, you know?

Truthfully, I don't think I have to earn God's favor or promises, but as several areas of life aren't anywhere near where I thought I'd be, I have to wonder what's the hold up?  I don't think God's making me live this half fulfilled life until I figure out what He wants, but I would like to know why certain things haven't happened yet.  Are their missed opportunities I did/didn't take advantage of and so I'm living out the consequences of those actions?  Am I perpetually making the wrong choices?  Am I completely missing Him so often and so much that this is where it's left me?