I'm an awkward kid.  I know that.  I've even learned to embrace it.  But I normally try to at least keep it a secret from strangers.  I failed at it this week.  And not just any kind of fail, but an epic, awkward, totes inapprops failure.  Here's how it went:

I had just bought some food in the hospital cafeteria and how gone to the 6th floor to buy a Mtn. Dew...they're cheaper to get from the machines than the cafeteria.  There was a housekeeping guy nearby who I smiled at, but didn't really pay much attention to beyond that.  You also should know that I have a bad habit of putting things...cell phone, keys, pens...in my mouth as if it's an extra pocket or something.  Also, I tend to say things that make sense in my head, but come out sounding like sexual innuendos.  This particular evening I was holding a dollar bill in my mouth, gross I know, while I fished the quarter out of my pocket.

Man: "You shouldn't put that dollar in your mouth.  Don't you know how dirty those things are!?!"

Me: "Yeah, I know.  But it's not the worse thing I've put in my mouth."

**Awkward silence as he tries to decide if I'm coming on to him, that much of a whore, or stupid.**

Me: "Um, I mean, I have a bad habit of putting my keys in my mouth so...yeah."

Man just stared at me.  He picked up on my awkwardness, gave me a confident "I'm the king of the world" look, and sauntered away.  Where was the giant hole to swallow me up when I needed it!?!

And this is why I don't usually talk to strangers.

Problem solved!

I never answered the phone and young patient stopped calling.  I was at the point of on his next call having a guy answer and act like an angry boyfriend, but thankfully it never got that far.  Although his calling at what I labeled booty call hours was wildly inappropriate.  You don't call someone at 1230am!  You just don't do that!

I just hope he doesn't get admitted as a patient back on our unit before I find another job!  That would be super awkward!