Like I said, I grew up in middle class America with the majority of my friends being white. Any friend or crush of mine was most likely not black. There weren't many black families, especially young black families like mine, in our area. My brother teased me by saying I was more comfortable around whites than blacks, which to some degree is true. My friends in high school started calling me Samantha, what they described as an all-American white girl name, because it fit me better than my given "black girl" name. This moniker was further propagated, against the backdrop of the other blacks in my area, by my desire and drive to do well. My high school was in a small, country Texas town where many people didn't leave. Or if they did they came right back after college. I don't know if it was ever a conscious decision, but I knew that wouldn't be me. Plus, I had parents who pushed me to do well, who wanted more for me. So I took the AP classes, got involved with various organizations, got a part time job, and volunteered...I did all the right things for college applications. And was harassed by my black classmates for being "too white."

Where did I fit in? I wanted more than what I saw around me. I wanted more than what my parents had. They wanted more for me. We were infinitely blessed in that they were able to carve out a comfortable life for us, but they wanted more for us than the struggles they faced. But how do you become a successful when you feel that you don't fit anywhere? When you don't feel like you have enough or the right things to get ahead? My desire to be more put me at odds with a lot of the other black kids, but I never really felt as if I truly fit in with the other kids whose dreams were more in line with what I wanted.

How do you overcome that? Can I overcome that?