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| Whoa! |
A part of me freaks out about it, but then another part is completely cool with it. First of all, no one EVER knows how old I am. More often than not, I'm mistaken for being in my early 20's. Not a bad thing even if I'm not completely a fan. I'm thinking one day I'll appreciate it more. Or so people tell me. And if I look at this objectively in terms of the amount of time I've being making adult decisions (we'll use 18 years old though that's quite a stretch), I'm almost 12 years old. Old enough to know some things, but still a ways to go to having life conquered. Or at least somewhat manageable. So I've got a little bit more time before I need to have it all together. And let's be honest...I'll never have it all together. That's just not the way my life rolls. But I'm okay with that. Kinda.
As has happened in other areas and times of life, I'm once again at the place of having to let go of various dreams and goals. I'm not where I thought I'd be. I thought I'd be married with a kid or two by now. Or maybe some highly paid up and coming junior exec who wears amazing shoes and stylish pencil skirts with some sort of in demand industry expertise. I'm neither. Sure, I have pencil skirts and heels and I've been told that I'm our Office Mom (still not sure how I feel about that!), but I've usually kicked the heels off by 10 am because I'm ripping up and down the halls of my office and they slow me down. Or I've decided to organize some storage area and I'm climbing over boxes and you surely can't do that in heels. And really, being "mom" isn't glamorous at all...especially when it's for other adults.
By no stretch of the imagination is this what 20 year old Shameka thought life for 30 year old Shameka would like. But I don't hate it. This year alone I've spent weekends in the NC mountains, TN mountains, New Orleans, NYC, and Virginia/DC. I'm terrified, but I'll be once again buying myself a car soon. I'm making headway in paying off debt. I have a job I thoroughly enjoy. I'm consistently working out...at 5 in the morning no less. And I'll hopefully be doing another half marathon this year. Nope, this isn't what I thought life would look like at all. But this messy, crazy, unpredictable life is mine and it's made me the woman that I am. And I choose to thank God for each moment that has brought me here. Though I've given up on the high heels (I'm working on accepting that my flat and pigeon-toed feet aren't really meant for heels) I sincerely hope a husband and kids are in my future. But whether they are or they aren't, I'm going to embrace this new decade, these opportunities to grow and change and be more like Him. Because if there's anything I've learned, it's that I want and need Him. Psalm 42 says it perfectly, "as a deer pants for water...my soul thirsts for God."
And that will be my focus. This day, this month, this decade. I can look back over my 20's and see the things, the people, and the situations that have cultivated me into the woman I am and I pray that my 30's be just as challenging and fulfilling. And that He be an even bigger part than He was in the last decade.
Bring on the 30's!
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